Sin Wagon

This particular title needs no real introduction.  Honestly, and so I give you Day 6 (it is day 6 isn’t it?)

Yesterday, I was so optimistic.  The munchies were gone, I was feeling all healthful.  Wait, no, yesterday I got off topic, so two days ago I was feeling optimistic.  Still felt pretty good about everything through much of Sunday, but on my way in for a quick few hours of work, I happened upon a McDonalds Monopoly chit that said Free Medium Fries!!!  Did I stand firm?  Heck, no.

In my defense, the fries (and the large Coke) were the extent of my deviation yesterday.  Dessert here consists of fat free chocolate pudding that I have already made and dolled out into the serving sizes, which means I have four little cups of the stuff left.  It isn’t great, but hey, it’s chocolate.  So, I ate a healthy breakfast of plain cheerios and fat free milk.  Supplemented that with orange juice and a whole grain skinny bagel a few hours later.  Follow that up with organic spaghetti sauce, lightly browned organic mushrooms with garlic flakes, and whole grain noodles with a salad, and then I was left with dinner.  I knew I was going to make myself a sandwich after spending so much time, relatively speaking, on lunch.  I knew this, and I still had a few Terra chips left (shout out for Terra Chips).  Where, oh where, did that go so wrong?

The problem with falling off the wagon is that it makes you realize what you’ve just spent the last week forgetting you missed.  Those deliciously fried bits of potato, lightly salted, were addictive.  I spent the rest of my evening staring at the cupboards in a sort of mild grade munchy mode.  This was capped off by waking up at 11 and being starving to the point of near midnight snack   I have failed, how do I live with the shame?  The guilt?  Okay, so on a scale of one to ten, the shame is pretty low.  After all, who is going to report me to the diet police?   The dogs? I bought their silence with a few fries.  The guilt, now there is my Achilles Heel.  I can be Kipling’s Cat, but if someone even whispers a few words faintly speckled with guilt, I’ll cave.  Maybe that’s why I try so hard to walk my own path.  If it’s just me, then all I ever have to deal with is my own guilt.  That, in itself, is a pretty formidable foe, so isn’t it better that I leave it only at that?

I cannot say I will double down on the healthiness because of my slip yesterday.  I have never had that sort of will power.  The best solution to all of my problems is what I am living with right now.  Deprive me of any other options, and chances are I can stick to a diet.  Except when I find a free chit for fast food.  Lucky for me, the other one is for a RedBox movie rental.  I’ll just splurge then and eat popcorn. The kind with butter on it. Lots and lots of butter.  Oh well, no one said this would be easy.


P.S. Anyone reading this who has a similar experience or just wants to share in my misery, feel free to drop a note.

Published by L.E. Gibler

Writer, rider, and future crazy cat lady

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